welcome back sisters a circle I have our next guest is on a mission to help the world receive love healing and mend relationships in a healthy way he is a best-selling author speaker and relationship coach please welcome down [Applause] relationships just my favorite topic I go everywhere with them Oh anyways let’s talk about some of the books you’ve written you put in a book called he who finds a wife correct God where is my boys and currently the man God has for you all right that’s just to name a few but we’ve really want to discuss the new one you get give us three things women three things to let us know that he’s actually lying to us and why well the reasons why and there are various things that we can discuss but number one thing I always tell people is that he’s afraid that telling you the truth is gonna scare you away so the reality is to go deeper into that he feels like he can’t get what he desires if he’s honest about what he what he wants what did that be let’s say he just wants to sleep with you and his lot of women say oh if men would just say that you know maybe we would do it everything would be good that’s not true like you speak to the majority of men and they will tell you that when they have been honest they haven’t gotten the result that they wanted and lying in general for all people it’s the same reason you you don’t you want to avoid the outcome you’re trying to not have and so you lie to avoid that another reason is that women keep entertaining the lies well that specific woman keeps on saying their lives and what I think is important I mentioned in the book is the need to focus on tapping into your intuition you guys are smart you guys are very detailed we say but man sneeze different tomorrow you’re gonna notice all right is it more afraid with a hair fiber is on him and it’s not his hair you will know so but the problem is that women rationalize past their intuition and they don’t trust it and so they may give themselves reasons to look past their lives into the sea and so that individual that specific man because not every man is lying like that but that specific man in the conceal detail so then the people can know exactly God why are you qualified to sit down here to this circle right we get into this discussion water a little bit more about you first of all how did you even get into becoming a relationship coach you have secreted such a following I mean you have let me just go right to the stitch you got 1.3 million Instagram followers a hundred thousand subscribers on YouTube and 1.4 million likes on Facebook so whatever you say in somebody’s life yes okay but why why and how relationships and and coaching why these two concepts together so for me it was all God because I had no plans on being in this position I was someone who didn’t even like speaking in front of a crowd I didn’t even like writing I failed classes because I didn’t want to write papers so to have written out books to now speak and do be on tours this is completely different than what I expected right but in me getting closer to God this is the path he led me down but I also think because I’ve always been that person that people came to I remember even being like 14 years old and meeting strangers they would tell me stories about them being raped molestation they didn’t tell anyone else and I never understood why but again as I got closer to God I started to realize there was something in me that was wired to for people to be drawn to me in that way and for people to feel comfortable opening up and so that also allowed me to see that so many people are struggling in relationships we we have relationships all the core society and because relationships are broken our society is broken yes and if we would learn to fix these issues and heal healing is a lack of healing is the biggest problem we’re facing then we would avoid and we would makes things so much better but we don’t give the same reason is an attention to relationship education and to understanding how to better handle ourselves in our own self growth and in how we coexist with someone else in a romantic relationship well you’ve given us only a few reasons to why men lie because we know how to take a class so but you also said that men should not chase women I mean to not chase women so what do you mean by it all right so yes I had a recent video where I have three reasons why men should not chase women and the reality is that one we’ve taken this he who finds a wife scripture and distorted it completely finding is not the same thing as chasing okay fine can be to come upon something however chasing is like going after something that’s running away from you that is making you go through extra hoops and the reality is that in relationship dynamics we have a lot of women who are sitting back saying okay he has to prove to me that he’s worth it right but the reality is that you’re in that position because you’ve been hurt before and you have not healed from that so now you have your walls up that is saying the dynamic up to now be dysfunctional and unhealthy and there’s so many things that can go wrong there I can go through a whole list of reasons why this dynamic of the man chasing the woman is gonna cause problems the man’s gonna lose focus in his life all right the man can easily now start to overlook red flags because he’s busy chasing chasing chasing chasing and that’s not what God wants any of us to do man or woman we’re not supposed to chase after the other we’re supposed to have a mutual effort in building a healthy relationship and so I think we have to be very careful with this chasing that we tell men to do because it really is not working to their benefit and the reality is that if you were to survey men and you ask them those who have chased the majority have found themselves played those who stood strong and still of course express your interest express your desire show an effort to get to know this woman absolutely but once we get into chasing it does not work in the man that chases you down to the floor then chase you all the way down to the floor then get you and then once you give in and can concede then he treats you like like you weren’t worth it exactly so who’s that guy what that guy is the still just chasing guys so here’s the thing the man who’s chasing in most situations his mindset is okay I’m going to do all this work to get you now that I’ve gotten you it’s your turn to give to me exactly we’re not it’s not a it’s a one-sided affair so you start off one-sided you’re gonna continue one-sided but the problem is he’s going to switch it to your side now and now it’s on you to give to him that’s what you find in a lot of situations the man will chase that he gets you and then that’s okay what you gonna do from now to try to clean up a little bit but when you said you know you talked about like the chasing and you know a man should still try to find out who a woman is and all of that and get to know her I agree with that but I you know we got to be very careful with the words we use to craft it and shape the minds of our men okay because the day will completely just take one thing and stretch it all the way out they’ll take a I mean it’s just that he’ll and then there you go with the mountain for me I’m gonna disagree with you about the chase okay they I think may need to actually chase the right woman okay I don’t I don’t think that a man should chase the hot girls that’s down so they Instagram and they pop in and all of this and then other they need to chase the woman that is smart that it’s domestic that it’s well-educated the woman who is unselfish who was giving who is loving and caring and considerate the woman who will help build him that’s who they need to chase I think they’re getting played those were your words because they’re chasing the wrong kind of warming well a couple things to consider a good woman doesn’t make her the right woman same way a good man isn’t right man and the problem is that a lot of men I will say that a lot of men are not good at selecting wise because their understanding of connection and the deeper things that need to be in place have not been cultivated enough so I I do think that’s a problem there but I also think that when we consider the idea of men distorting this chasing things you like they’re gonna take this message and then turn into something else the men who will were never serious about you to begin with so you don’t need to worry about the ones who distort it yes because because if you meet a hundred men tomorrow ninety nine of them ain’t for you coming up and then will was Stefan speaks to talk a little about what we were talking about what he said she said well what quad was talking about yeah yeah before we got some stuff to get to before that what we we got a show yes talk about we got to talk about you know how you gonna tell that I’ll let me fit in it’s fine okay I got your back hello wait well that’s it y’all can girl I love we married 17 years all right now so let’s talk a little bit about some of the keys to a successful relationship okay I would say key number one is connection all right this is no particular order but having a connection understand how to maintain and nurture that connection so that includes communication that includes non-sexual intimacy and that also includes sexual intimacy I think that we have to cover all those bases in order to really make sure we’re tapping into each other’s needs and fulfilling each other in the ways that we need to to strengthen that relationship and more specifically that marriage yeah so that would be number one number two it’s got count ability and what I think more relationships to do is have like relationship check ups where maybe every three months or every six months even if every month we sit down together and say okay what’s working what’s not what do we need to do not when people know we got to come together and review things they’re gonna stay on their toes it’s almost like when you’re at work and you know the evaluation is coming you tight all right so it’s the same thing in our relationships when we know that we have to discuss these things we’re going to be more aware and accountable for our role in hand making sure the relationship is healthy and successful and then the third thing in my opinion is gonna be God and making sure guys are the foundation of that relationship but even more specifically not just us believing in God us praying together us going to church together because I don’t like you know if one is going to turn out the other it’s not that this is horrible things all do exactly and we have to take those opportunities to bond even closer or even a spiritual connection even outside of exactly absolutely exactly exactly so I think praying reading Scripture together anything that we can do together and making sure this God is at the forefront of our relationship is gonna strengthen that relationship and it it actually then pours into those other things it starts to make us more accountable when we know that God is a part of this relationship and it allows us to cultivate that connection when God’s a part of it as well let me ask you this Stephan women who are women and men who are who’s in gold is marriage and they’re in a relationship how do they actively pursue the proper way to lead to marriage because a lot of times you know in relationships we jump the gun you know and we don’t get to know the person for the long haul we’re just we’re just excited about the small things that we’re so excited about in the beginning so how do we take our time and and make sure that we’re in the right positioning for marriage to be quite honest with you I think the biggest thing that people need to do is talk to God before they get with somebody when I sit down with divorced couples or divorcees and I asked them did you ask God that you should marry this person 90 percent say no the other 10 percent say I asked God told me no and I married them anyway so there’s a real reason why we’re seeing such dysfunction and broken marriages and broken relations because we are not consulting God we want God to bring us somebody but we don’t want to accent make sure that this is the someone that he brings and so we have to do that and that would allow us to not rush into things and to make sure not only is this the person for us but the timing of it because it’s all about timing with God and sometimes you can meet that amazing person and there’s this great connection but it’s time yet because there are some things you need to get in proper place and there’s some things they need to get into the right place oh let’s talk about timing like you said look into Philips just a little bit Nicki Minaj she’s gonna marry Kenneth Petty in about 80 days and the internet had a lot to say and my question is she’s defending him and do you think it’s smart to ignore the red flags it’s not smart to ignore red flags I do think that there’s a lot of people giving their opinion who are not informed on the person or the situation and she should definitely ignore uninformed opinions however you don’t overlook red flags but you should address them it doesn’t mean you run the minute you see a red flag because that man may have changed there may have been a transformation in his life again not to get ultra spiritual but even if you read the Bible there’s plain people who had horrible past who became unbelievable amazing people of God so I’m never gonna discount someone’s evolution in their life however you have to explore those things and have a discussion and make sure real change has occurred in that person’s life and not just them saying all the right things at the moment Wow Wow any parting words viewers and to wrap things up with a beautiful bow from you um my parting words would be he’ll focus on healing too many people are holding on the past hurts and disappointment that’s not just romantic relationships that’s your father your mother family members siblings whatever past relationships you’ve got to heal because when you don’t heal I believe you are 99% like it to end up with the wrong person all right because you cannot see straight you cannot emotionally handle what a real relationship requires and you will not be willing to be vulnerable enough to be with the real love of your life and so now you’re going to settle and entertain the wrong people for the sake of what is comfortable and safer to you emotionally so healing is the key to everything wow that is beautiful can we give a forest at last now on tour and if you’d like more information about the tours called the you deserve it tour please make sure you go to his Instagram page to find speaks race that did this around yes right yeah awesome you’re amazing we want to have you back so that you can just continue to we want you to put a whole show

 

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